This month we're talking about "the moment you first found out you were expecting" in our #togetherwemother series. Don't forget to visit the rest of the bloggers in this series at the end of this post to read their unique experiences, and thanks for taking the time to read mine.
After nine months of trying to conceive Owen, Zack and I had reached the point where we started to worry it might never happen. We had really started to feel weighted each month I got my period or felt false symptoms that lead to taking tests that turned up negative. Each month we would build ourselves up and then be quietly heartbroken when we realized we were still at least one month further away from growing a sweet baby. After eight or so months of trying we decided we couldn’t sustain this conception thing much longer. I mean we were doing everything we should be and nothing was happening. I was 24 - wasn’t I supposed to blink and get pregnant? I had spent so much time before this using every form of birth control under the sun to avoid pregnancy and now that I was actually trying it wasn’t happening? I was confused. I realize now, and I knew it then but it was harder to accept, that this timeline is totally normal, but in the moment we were exhausted. We had a serious conversation and decided that after we hit the year mark of trying we were going to pause for the moment. Through this time period we thought a lot about what we wanted our lives to look like, where we wanted to live and what we wanted to do for work. The decision to move forward wasn’t because we didn’t desperately want to start a family, but I think we realized that it was mostly out of our control. It wasn’t healthy for us to put our lives on hold in hopes of a baby so we pressed on. When we reached this place I suddenly felt a wave of calm, and then, of course, I was pregnant.
The days leading up to my expected period felt different than previous months before. I was exhausted, crampy, but with our track record, I wasn’t convinced I was pregnant. I waited much longer than I had in previous months to take a test - still convinced it would be negative. I woke up early on a Monday morning and quietly slipped into the bathroom. Anxious and excited, I unwrapped the test, peed, and it read positive. I couldn’t believe it. I took a deep breath, sat there for a moment and cried tears of happiness with a big grin. A wave of emotions washed over me. I knew as soon as I came out of the bathroom I would tell Zack and then our parents and close friends. So knowing that, I sat there and savored it for a minute or two. These were the only two minutes that we’re ours, just this baby and I. It was at this moment that I realized all the waiting, all the ups and downs and mixed emotions I had felt through the process were all worth it. They were all leading up to this perfect moment.
I quietly opened the door and climbed back into bed where Zack was pretending to sleep (he too couldn’t take another negative pregnancy test). I turned to him and said, “I’m pregnant” and our lives were never the same. You can read Zack's perspective here, it's pretty damn sweet.
Photo by Amy Frances.